Dark chocolate...

So, Since last wednesday I have been on my new "not so invented" low carb diet. I am trying to only eat 100 calories a day... it is turning out to be between 100 and 150 I think.

I need to make it so it is only 100. But I am sticking to snacks that are 15 carbs or less.

I recently bought a dark chocolate hershey's candy bar over the weekend (I think it was sunday night) and I finally finished it. I'm glad I just devoured that because now it will not be here tempting me.

I can do it. I am not putting many fruits in there, but I did add celery, broccoli, and carrots. :)
I am making hoof prints to put on the ceiling....



spider pig spider pig, does whatever a spider pig does.

oh hey, i weigh 213.
I lost 21 pounds.
13 more to go till I am 200! I CAN DO THIS!!!

The no carb diet broke me and won the battle, but not the war.

So, I have ALMOST completed my 2 weeks of the NO CARB diet. I lost about 10 pounds on it. I did cheat on the diet (licked a cookie, took a sip of a drink, and probably cheated with chicken wings). I have not lost anything in the second week of it, probably because I have been in starvation mode.

I have not really been eating (I usually TRY to eat 3 meals a day) but since I do not have time to cook, it would be lunch meat and cheese, or some eggs. It was not very healthy and I felt like I was going to pass out everyday, I began to become more and more tired, my body was aching, I felt sick, had massive headaches, my heart would race. It just was not good.

Since I did cheat on that diet, I would have had to start it all over again. On that diet it is do or die. You stick with it, if you cheat, you ruin it. I have already ruined it, and quite frankly it is not worth it to me to lose more weight on this particular diet if I am going to feel like shit everyday.

The no carb diet won the battle (my will power slightly caved) but it did not win the war. I plan on doing everything in my power to keep being healthy. I am going to watch what I eat, and the carbs and calories I intake. I am going to start going to the gym (once I get enough energy from going off this stupid diet).

I want to be healthy and lose weight, in fact I have to if I don't want to get diabetes. But this no carb diet was definitely not worth all the side effects. It was for instant results, I see the results and I like how this is going-- I feel as though I am not going to ruin it by eating icecream and brownies everyday.

I am going to eat low carbs, or complex carbs like fruits and veggies. I missed fruits and veggies. I am going to be healthy while dieting, not stupid. That diet may work for some people, but I am not looking for instant results that will fade, I am looking for results I can see after working hard on it. I like that I've lost 20 pounds so far. I have 15 more to go to get down to 200, but if I don't get there by the end of November thats fine. These things take time. I know I will get there.

From this diet I did find out that I do have stronger willpower than I thought I had. I can resist food I shouldn't eat, although now I may reward myself with it once in a while.

I can do this, and I will do this... but I am going to do it the healthy way. :)

So not happy...

I cheated on my fucking diet, and now I have to add on 4 more days to this stupid no carb diet. I was supposed to be done with it the 20th, but now it will be the 24. MIGHT AS WELL make it the 27.

This fucking blows. All is want is some cereal, and a fucking brownie.

Bambi Burgers... yum yum.

So, I am on that NO carb diet now, and it really isn't that bad. I am trying to not even think about sweets or food I used to eat. Sometimes it is hard if I am somewhere where there are desserts and someone is eating a dessert, or if I am at my boyfriend's house talking to his mom for two hours while she makes delicious looking cookies that I can't have. :p lol.

But so far as of yesterday I lost 18 pounds. I weighed myself on two scales, my house and my grandmothers house, and they both said I was 216. So in July I started off at 234, now I am 216. That is 18 pounds. I am really proud of myself but also I can't wait to lose more.

Maybe that is what keeps my will power in check, that I still want to lose more and look cute. I am cute now, dont get me wrong, and my boyfriend loves the way I look (or so he says, but I believe him :) ) but I just want to lose more so I can finally fit into jeans I bought a few months ago, or jeans my mom has bought me that are a size 14 or 16.

Blahhhh. I can do this!

YAY! My Pants

My pants are loose! :)
How exciting!
I am on a "new" diet now for 2 weeks.
No carbs at all, only meat and cheese (and eggs).

I hope it goes well!

Back on the diet...

So I have been cheating a lot lately, and feeling really "plump".

I think what made me feel bad the most this weekend was the fact that I was at work (at the elderly home) and my co-worker (who is usually super cool) was there with me serving food. I looked at the rolls and said "there are so many rolls!" and my co-worker GRABBED one of my fat rolls and said "yes there are."



On the outside I laughed (like usual) but on the inside, I was like WHAT THE FUCK DUDE?!!??!?!?

THEN.... I was leaving my work, passed a resident and she said "Bye Paula!" Which would have been fine, but I am not Paula (who mind you must be at least 300lbs). I felt like crying. Do I really look like that?

I know that this is a rant, and I am sorry, I just need to get it off my chest.

I can feel the 10 pounds off of me, in my face, neck and shoulders. I can ACTUALLY see my collarbones sometimes... lol.

but I feel like I have been cheating a lot (since I have been) and I don't want to continue doing that because then all my hard work would be for a waste.

I want to get down to 200 lbs. I am 221 (well the last time I weighed myself... which was this past week)

I need to get down to 200 lbs. I do not want to get diabetes, I don't think I could deal well with that....

Urgh. I need some major motivation and help. I wish it was simple, but I am really getting sick of eating wraps... I have to force them down. Eating isn't even enjoyable anymore because I am constantly checking calories or carbs.

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