Back in the Game!

I am down to 188.5. Heck yes.
I really haven't been doing anything different--- trying not to stuff my face is basically what I am sticking to. Also I am taking/eating bee pollen. Not in pill form-- but straight up local bee pollen that I bought at a local health food store near my house. I don't know if it really is working...but it seems to be working. Last week, or the week prior, I weighted around 193... and now I am down to 188.5--- and I haven't been doing anything but eating...and eating bee pollen. Try it.

Stuck in a rut...

I am definitely stuck in a rut.

I am sad and depressed because of the breakup.... and I just keep eating. I am always hungry. I need to find something that will suppress that....

So I was thinking about buying those bee pollen pills...

I don't know what to do. I just feel lost lonely and sad

And I will like I am going to die alone. :( and never marry anyone... ever.

Goodbye to everything I knew...

Me and my boyfriend broke up yesterday. We both decided we wanted to be friends, and honestly that is what I want. He is a really good guy, attractive and smart. I just can't be happy with him because honestly, I'm not happy with myself. I am not happy with myself, and I also don't know how to be happy alone.

So it would cause problems, when he would be gone hanging out with his friends, I would feel so lonely, then when he would come back I would be mad and sad, and still feel lonely and isolated because I felt like I wasn't even categorized as one of his friends, because it seemed like he never wanted to hang out with me, only when he had nothing else to do. Or at least that is what it seemed like.

So I guess I will just focus on going to the library and writing lesson plans all summer, gettting another job and losing 25 more pounds.

I feel really sad... really really sad.

Maybe it will work out between us in the future, but right now I really need to work on myself before I can love anyone else. And it is sad that I had to realize that when I was in this relationship.