To buy or not to buy? (more fitness DVDs)

Today I weighed myself and I weigh 1.9.8. 198. 198. 198. 198.

Omg, 198.

I haven't weighed 198 since.... 11th or 12th grade? and I am in my 5th year of college.

New goal... 185 by the end of February.
I want to at least lose 2 lbs a week, possibly 3 if I really force myself.

With the Jillian Michaels thing it says "lose 20 lbs in 30 days" I wonder if I actually did it for 30 days would I really lose 20 lbs? I guess I am up for the challenge.

SO lets say hypothetically speaking that I will lose 20 lbs in 30 days. What if I started tomorrow? BY... March 2 I could be 20 lbs lighter--- which would put me at.... 178.

Then hypothetically speaking... what if I went on the no-carb diet for REAL and actually lasted the 2 or 3 weeks... I could lose 10 pounds--- which would put me at 168.

I could be down to 160 by the end of April.
Hypothetically speaking---

But what if that was my goal.
What if I want to reach 170, or even 160 by the end of april.
I think I might be able to do it.


That would give me 13 WEEKS to lose 30 lbs.
However, 13 x 2 is 26... so that would be 26 pounds.
Okay, how about 15 weeks... by May 14th I want to be 30 lbs lighter. (which would bring me to 168)

Then I would only have 8 more pounds to lose by the end of June.

I think I can do this.
I know I can do this.
I will do this.
I'm doing it.
I will accomplish this.
I can I can I can.

Today is a new day--- new inspiration-- new motivation..

"It is better to fall short of a high mark than to reach a low one."- H. C. Payne
"Life can be pulled by goals just as surely as it can be pushed by drives"- Viktor Frankl
"The virtue lies in the struggle, not in the prize"- Richard Monckton Milnes
"To reach a port, we must sail-- Sail, not tie an anchor-- Sail, not drift."- Franklin Roosevelt

Today is going to be a quote day.
I chose the quotes above because hopefully they will inspire and motivate me to continue on my journey and give it my all, the best I can.

One goal reached... :)

I weighed myself today at my grandmothers apartment complex where I taught an art class to the elderly people and had a grand 'ol time.

I weighed 200.6

I almost shit a brick.

AND the best part about that was (I wasn't fully naked-- undergarments on, I have my period-- which means extra bloat than usual, and it was 3:18 in the afternoon--which means I would have weighed less in the morning)

SO, I was like... hey gram, is your scale right? she didn't know so I got a 5 lb bag of flour, she got on the scale, weighed herself, then I handed her a bag of flour, and she was 5 lbs heavier!

WHICH MEANS THE SCALE IS CORRECT.

I WEIGH 200 ( or less ) HOLY FRIKKIN CRAP. I AM SO EXCITED.

Now its time for my next (small) goal----- +++180+++ then the next will be 170, then finally 160.

I don't know how long this will take me, but I am sure as hell going to try my hardest to make it happen!

Btw, I almost just ate a cupcake... not much willpower here on my end...

... theres gotta be something more...

I feel like I talk a lot of talk-- But I don't do anything about it.
I SAY that I will go to the gym, or ONLY eat 20 carbs a day...
But do I do it?
No.

I need to put my money where my mouth is. (is that the phrase? idk)

Writing that also signifies talking-- because right now I am not at the gym, or watching my carbs.

Maybe I had under 100 today, I know I did. But I DEFINITELY had more than 20 carbs.

My boyfriend will not be seeing me this week, I make him angry apparently because I am "childish, dumb, stupid, etc." and he can't stand things that I do, or say, and I drive him up a wall.

He needs time to himself, and he can glady get that time.
I need time for myself too. To do me.

Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me.
Me. Me. Me. Me. Me.
Me. Me. Me. Me.
Me. Me. Me.
Me. Me.
Me.

This week, since I won't see him (and when I call he will probably ignore the phone call, or won't talk anyway) I will just go to the gym everyday, do homework, relax and take care of myself.

Because like his facebook status states... " New Goal: Worry about only me, and no one else"

Maybe I will follow his words, since he will be doing the same.
Can't wait to see what 'treasures' this relationship holds...

Irritated...

I just noticed that when I get extremely pissed off the top of my head tingles. Its like my hair folicles KNOW that I want to punch someone in the face.

Words cannot express the confusion and frustration I have rightnow

Gosh darn...

So, I cheated on my diet today. I couldn't take it anymore. Its not that I NEEDED carbs, but I felt really tired and drained... I needed energy.

What I chose to cheat which wasn't a very healthy choice though...

I cheated with a teaspoon of peanut butter, 1/4 of a cracker, 1 small cheese curl, 1 bite peanut butter cup, THEN the doozy.... a brownie... 43 carbs (not the smartest choice i could have made) and I had brocolli with my dinner.


All together it was 50.6 carbs.

I think I am going to start ALL OVER AGAIN with this diet tomorrow... being day 1, and 14 more to follow.

The only thing is, I might add in 10 to 20 carbs a day. My chest feels really weird when I don't eat carbs, like, my heart thumps and feels very different than normal. It feels like it stalls, and makes me feel shaky.

Okay, but I can do this... btw... 201 pounds today. !

So excited!

Started No carb... again!

Day was day 3 of my no carb diet. I have not really cheated so far (maybe in over the 3 days I had an equivelant of 2 cups of diet gingerale.... but that is it)

I still weigh 203 (when I weighed myself today after 5-6pm)
I want to weigh myself tomorrow morning, maybe I weigh less in the morning.

The diet really isn't too bad so far, I've been doing really good.
I came home for the weekend to find that my sister bought groceries for the house (oatmeal pies, brownies with chocolate chips, pretzels, chips, salsa, iced tea, ice cream... ) everything that I can't have.

Which is fine, I don't need it ;)

Before I started this no carb diet again-- I had a McFlurry two nights in a row, and it caused me to feel really ill.

Maybe I won't crave sweets as much.
I am really just craving like... peanutbutter and potato bread (because its so good!)

But I can do this, only .... 11 more days :)

More of an elaboration at best...

I weigh 203.

I want to weigh 170 by the end of April, and 160 by beginning of september. And 160 the rest of my life. I wouldn't mind getting down to 150 though ;)

Pictures of myself lately have been very satisfying.

October 2010

End of November, early december End of december.

I have not gotten any full view pictures of me since then. But I will eventually.

I just like how I look recently. I am so happy that I lost those 34 pouds.

43 more pounds until I reach 160.

if I lose 3 more pounds by end of january... I'll only have 40 more.

I can definitely do this.

I am actually really happy to be going back to school, I'll definitely have a lot more time to go to the gym, and actually go there and do what I want to do. I didn't mind going with my friends but all they would want to do is walk...--- I can walk outside.

Now I can do other things! Maybe I will go at 7am every morning. Or maybe not... maybe I'll do the 30 day shred every morning...before school at 8am... and go to the gym in the evenings. :)

Gym at school... here I come!

Right now I weigh 203.

In the summer I weighed 237 (I thought it was 242...but the scale I was weighing myself on is 5 pounds heavier...)

I lost 34 pounds.

45 more to go.

I will use the gym everyday at school. and I want to get myself to do the Jillian Michaels 30 days shred everyday.

I will make a burrito today...

I already had... about... 'ehh... maybe... 40 carbs today. yogurt with fruit.

I am probably eating spaghetti for dinner, which means I can't eat anything else til then.

Okies, cya!

Emotionally Exhausted.

I am emotionally exhausted. I feel really depressed, sad, crying all the time. And it is from a few causes. 1. I feel fat 2. I miss my mom. 3. my boyfriend constantly thinks I am being sad on purpose to make him mad, which I'm not. 4. I don't feel loved and I don't know why 5. I just want a hug and someone to talk to, and I don't have that. 6. I am going to miss my boyfriend when he goes to college-- I won't see him often, and we won't talk as much because we will both be really busy. 7. I just feel aweful. 8. I wish someone would understand. 9. I wish my boyfriend would stop callling me needy because honestly it doesn't help the situation. 10. I need a hug.


All I want is a hug. Thats all I want.
I am so sad and depressed I can't even get myself to workout anymore.

I need some loving, or someone to talk to. or something. anything.

Feeling super fat today

I feel like crying... enough said.

I feel fat, upset that I won't be seeing my boyfriend a lot now that school is going to start, and just pissed off.



Not a good night. Fuck the world.

Jillian Michaels keeps kicking my ass

:(

Today was day 3 of the 30 Day Shred. It doesn't hurt as much anymore but I feel like this time around I didn't try as hard because I was having a hard time breathing and feeling pretty exhausted.


Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Holiday Weight-- Melty Melt.

Those 5 pounds gained of holiday weight are now GONE.

I've been working my ass off (literally) and I intend on doing so until I reach my goal of 160 pounds. That goal may not get hit for a while (I'm thinking.... end of may? Possibly june?)

But I know I can do it if I keep exercising.

I did not work out today sadly because I worked at 7 am and I when I woke up I was completely tired.

I did really good with breakfast and lunch, adding up to around 584 calories and 60.5 carbs. However I went to my friend's house who I have not visited in a while and ate about 15 chips (with salsa), a chocolate, pork and saurkraut [[I can't spell]]

So I probably ate around 1,000 some calories and probably had around 100--120 carbs.

It was well worth it though, I had a good time. Tomorrow starts back on the grind of working out and eating right-- maybe I will make the boyfriend work out with me :)

Hungry Hungry Hippo

i did really well today! I only ate around 750 calories and 95 carbs!

this isn't going to be an actual post because i really don't have anything interesting to say besides that i thought exercising when i was sore was going to hurt more but actually it made it feel better.

okies~!

Measurements...

I decided to measure myself... that way I can see if I made progress from working out. Here it goes...

Arms: 16.5''
Bust: 41.5''
Waist: 44"
Butt: 49.25 ''

By those measurements you can clearly tell I am shaped like a pear.

30 Day Shred

Today I woke up at 5:30am and told myself I was going to start the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred... and I did.

The workout totally kicked my butt but I am so glad that I did it. I cannot wait to do it tomorrow. I had to work today at 7 am and I thought that I was going to be really tired, but I wasn't I was hyper.

Overall it was a great day. I watched what I was eating. All together today I ate 1,207 calories and 109.7 carbs.

I think that is a pretty good job.
From writing down what I ate I know what I can cut down on (graham crackers.. haha)

New Years Resolutions..... hyeah...hokai...

So here are my new years resolutions------

1. Exercise at least 4 times a week.

2. Limit myself to eating carbs only twice a day. (for example carbs at breakfast [maybe toast or an egg wrap]] and carbs are lunch for energy throughout my day.

3. No restrictions, just smaller portions.

4. Wear retainer at least 3 times a week (my teeth are starting to shift again :( fail... )

5. Get down to 160 or 150 pounds by August 31st. ( I start student teaching and I do NOT want to be the fat student teacher... ya know? )

Alright, so I know I come on here and bitch about how badly I did on my diet, but I think from reading back it helps me because I see where I go wrong.

On MTV there is a show called 'I used to be fat' and I watched the first episode of it today and an 18 yr old girl who weighed 253, lost 90 lbs in 111 days.

That really inspired me, ... and you know how she did it? through exercising everyday and eating healthy (of course she had a trainer to motivate her, but I can always pretend... can't I?)

So it is 11:17 pm here, and about 30 minutes ago after watching that episode I worked out. The first time I have worked out in a very long time, probably since before thanksgiving break. so it was sometime in November.

But I did it. It hurt, it still hurts, but I can do it. I did an intense arm workout, which is going to hurt like hell tomorrow but I will do it tomorrow too, and the next day.

I am determined to lose this weight. I don't need to be a size 2, or 5, or 6. --- All I honestly want is to be healthy. I don't want to have to worry about getting diabetes...