Back on the diet...

So I have been cheating a lot lately, and feeling really "plump".

I think what made me feel bad the most this weekend was the fact that I was at work (at the elderly home) and my co-worker (who is usually super cool) was there with me serving food. I looked at the rolls and said "there are so many rolls!" and my co-worker GRABBED one of my fat rolls and said "yes there are."



On the outside I laughed (like usual) but on the inside, I was like WHAT THE FUCK DUDE?!!??!?!?

THEN.... I was leaving my work, passed a resident and she said "Bye Paula!" Which would have been fine, but I am not Paula (who mind you must be at least 300lbs). I felt like crying. Do I really look like that?

I know that this is a rant, and I am sorry, I just need to get it off my chest.

I can feel the 10 pounds off of me, in my face, neck and shoulders. I can ACTUALLY see my collarbones sometimes... lol.

but I feel like I have been cheating a lot (since I have been) and I don't want to continue doing that because then all my hard work would be for a waste.

I want to get down to 200 lbs. I am 221 (well the last time I weighed myself... which was this past week)

I need to get down to 200 lbs. I do not want to get diabetes, I don't think I could deal well with that....

Urgh. I need some major motivation and help. I wish it was simple, but I am really getting sick of eating wraps... I have to force them down. Eating isn't even enjoyable anymore because I am constantly checking calories or carbs.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can.