Orange soda, you are the devil.

Orange soda is delicious. But it has 52 carbs, I failed to check how many carbs orange soda was yeilding and drank it... oh well.. I guess tomorrow will be a better day.

Anyhoo-- I had a really good day with the boyfriend, we checked out his college stuff and took a road trip, and also ate at Texas Roadhouse which is pretty amazing there.


Tomorrow will be a better day, tomorrow tomorrow I'll love ya tomorrow its only a day a-wayyyyyy!!!

Holidays are over-- and so are my horrible eating habits

Lately because of the holiday I have been eating chocolate and cookies everyday. I LOVE chocolate, I even had some truffles in my purse-- just in case I needed it.

Well I was honest about having them in my purse after my boyfriend convinced me that we should start going at our diet hard-core again. He threw out the chocolate.

It made me upset just because he was wasting it, I would have rather he gave them to his mom.

But anyway....

I think I have come up with a new points game, something that I can actually stick to.

3 points= 90 or less carbs a day
2 points= exercised for at least 35 minutes
1 point= no snacks after dinner
2 points= no snacks during the day with more than 15 carbs in them
1 point= for not weighing myself that day
1 point= only drinking water that day


I know these sound simple, but it is definitely what I need to start off with.
I need to try to get a 10 point day every day. When I reach 70 points I am going to buy myself something pretty....


or you know... spend my money on art supplies... or... pay my rent... haha.


IN OTHER BREAKING NEWS----------

While I was filling my cup with water today I heard the sound of my sister crying from upstairs. Why was she crying you may be wondering? Because she weighed 190 pounds, and that is the biggest she has ever been.

I came upstairs asking what was wrong, she told me, I then replied 'hey i can jump on the scale and you can see how much I weigh, that might make you feel a little better "

I guess it did, until I said to her 'hey we might be weighing the same soon!' haha.

I'm a bitch. but anyway, if she really wanted to fix the way she looks she can work at it like I am doing.

Btw, I weighed myself today (in the afternoon, after I ate all day and (TMI for most who would read this but I gotta say it ...i haven't pooped in a few days either... haha) and I weigh 208.

I was down to 204 in the beginning of December. I need to get back down to that and my goal by end of january is 190. :)

I can do this! and I am sure as hell going to try!

Urggghhhh

I need to get my ass in gear. I have not done a workout video in so long, I have not gone to the gym for a while, and today was a bad day with my eating.

This is such a struggle, But I really need to get down to 160 by the summer--- to be healthy and decrease the risk of getting diabetes.

I need to figure out how to curb my appetitte. Maybe I should just continue taking the green tea fat burn pills... but they make me sick (I vomit because of them). So are the pills worth it? Probably not.

Sweets aren't worth it either. I think I need to go food shopping to get some healthy (or any f00d) in my house. The only thing I have here is Lite Wheat Bread, and there is a cup of delicious chocolate on the kitchen table that I keep digging into. Oh, and also freeze pops. Maybe I will go shopping for some food tomorrow


This is going to be a long, trying break.
I expect to gain a little weight because of the holidays, but nothing over 210. I am 206-207 right now. I cannot afford to get over 210 again.

:/

It isn't a party until....

Last night we (my roommates and I) had a "Prom 2010" party at our apartment here at school. Not many people showed up, 5 or 6 people actually came. But it was really fun.

I tried not eating bad yesterday, I remember eating oatmeal in the morning. Then I had 2 pickles, some carrots, a rice cake with peanut butter, and hot chocolate. I think I may have eaten something else after that, oh thats right like 10 or so Pretzel Bites.

So that was kind of a bad day. Then I got to my apartment, went out to eat with my roommate her boyfriend and her best friend, I got a cheeseburger and fries. I ate the whole thing... every single fry. :/

Then we started drinking--- I had a tall glass full of V8 (the fruity kind) and tequila :) (I love tequila) and 1 bottle of miller lite. Then 2 shots after that, the rest of the time I drank water. During the time we played King's Cup I had 2 pieces of pizza.



Thankgoodness winter break started and I will not be around alcohol or anything else that is bad. Going back home for a month might be good--- my dad is have a really hard time with money right now although he works so much just to pay the bills-- we hardly have money for food. So I guess not having food to eat could help me?

Maybe.

Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming--- ahh who am I kidding? I've got to swim like JAWS is chasing me...

Food-- any nourishing substance that is eaten, drunk or otherwise taken into the body to sustain life, provide energy, promote growth, etc.

That is the dictionary definition of Food.
And this is the dictionary definition of Obese.

- excessively fat or fleshy, corpulent

I think I over exaggerated the "etc." part in the definitionof food. Sometimes I feel as though food is my enemy. When it is placed in front of me, or in the spaces I live in, I cannot help but eat it. This is bad during holidays wherever I go-- there are delicious goodies obstructing my way encouraging me to downward spiral off of my diet.

But that will be no longer. If I want to lose 30 more pounds I have to be strict. I have to tell myself NO.

Also if I lose 30 more pounds that would bring me down to 176. Which is an inticing idea. Maybe I should strive to get down to 160? Then I can at least be in the overweight range of my height level instead of OBESE.

I feel like I need an exessive amount of help though. I did it in september, I only ate 3 times a day, I had carbs only twice a day, I ate 2 wraps a day and a salad. And it WORKED. I lost 10 pounds. Then I went on a no carb diet, lost 10 more pounds. Then just watched what I ate and exercised and lost 10 more pounds.

I think on December 26th, I am going to start back up on the No Carb diet for 2 weeks, just to jump start my diet again. Then add in carbs twice a day. I can do this, it isn't hard. I just need to tell myself that ....

Eating junk food is not worth it.

I don't understand how I cannot get this thru my thick, chunky, "fleshy" skull...;)

------ So I have 3 work out videos.
1. Skinny Bitch Bootcamp
2. Walk away the pounds (which I have not used because it sounds boring)
3. Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred.

I just bought the 3rd one not even an hour ago from walmart for $9.54.

I am totally broke, but I saw it there, heard really great reviews from my friends and from people online so I had to buy it. I plan on starting it tomorrow, the first day of the 30 day shred.

Armed with a diet plan and an exercise plan I think I will be able to defeat my enemy-- Food. But it will also take willpower, motivation, strength, and a little faith.

"Control of one's impluses and actions, self control"

I needed that today when all I ate was Redvines and Dots. FML.

Tomorrow is a new day, I can do this and I will. :)

Excuses, excuses.

I really need to stop making excuses and get back on track with losing weight. Most of the time I am on track, but I think this weekend set it off a great deal.

today for breakfast:
oatmeal= 150 calores and 28 carbs. there is dietary fiber of 6g, so I subtracted it to 22g carbs.

---------------------------------------------------
I'm so upset and pissed off I couldn't even eat the fucking oatmeal.

I give up on eating today. I'm not going to consume anything but water and tea.

Trying the POINTS game... tomorrow...

I am going to try this whole... points game tomorrow... for some reason today I am really really hungry.

I have my... 'aunt flo' and I need more food.. I just do.

I am going to eat a bowl of cereal, which is probably bad.. but oh well.

Cheerios Be Gone

I fixed the Cheerio binging problem-- it was as easy as taking them downstairs to the kitchen an not having them in my room.

Simple yet effective.

Another blog I read has posted an interesting game that she is trying out, and so far it has been really successful for her. (She also has had the LapBand surgery, so I'm not sure if this will work for me too, but I'm willing to give it a chance)

It is a point system game. I created my own spin...

1 point = no snacks between breakfast and lunch
1 point = 90 carbohydrates or less a day
1 point = not weighing in
1 point = 6 bottles or glasses of water a day
2 points = no snacks between lunch and dinner
2 points = no snacks after dinner
2 points = 1 hour of exercise a day

total points to be earned a day: 10 points
total per week: 70 points

Redemption:
35 points: RedBox rental
70 points: new book (paperback)
100 points: new art supply
150 points: new item of clothing
200 points: massage from boyfriend
250 points: $50 spent on clothing
300 points: Trip to NYC Art Museum
350 points: Trip to a Philly Art Museum
400 points: Trip to Gettysburg


Rules:
If no points are earned in a day, balance goes to zero
Partial points can be redeemed (if 100 points are in the bank, I could redeem only 70 and
keep 30 in the bank)
Points can only be redeemed following a 10 point day
Points earned each day must be posted to blog or written down to be held accountable!

Posty Post Post...

I decided that I am going to go to the gym today. My boyfriend and I are both going on this diet hard, so I figure I will do my part and go to the gym more. I've been doing that bootcamp video, but going to the gym too can't hurt.

I did eat last night after 7, actually it was after 9 when I got out of class. I ate a bunch of cheerios.

I did really good on my carbs yesterday-- except for the cheerio binge-- but whatever. I needed food to think to do my homework.

Today I've eaten---
3 eggs scrambled (0 carbs and prob 210 calories)
1 rice cake with peanut butter (total 14 carbs and probably 280 calories)
1 cup hot chocolate (sugar free) (4 carbs, and 25 calories)

Plus tons of water. I am going to start drinking tons of water... I have to curb this appetite of mine.

---I then went to school.

I came home and ate a lollipop, carrots, and a string cheese.

For dinner I had a chicken patty in a wrap with banana peppers, and broccolli.

I then passed out somehow, I must have been really tired. I woke up feeling hungry-- so instead of drinking water I had a salad with italian dressing.

Sitting there my roommate was like I made homemade peanutbutter fudge, so of course I had some... two small squares.

Then I started my homework and binged on cheerios.





I have to figure out a way to stop this cheerio binging at night. I keep drinking loads of water but it doesn't take the hungry away at night.

I need to figure this out and find a better way to stop me from doing this.

:( :(

Trying my best...

In the summer, at my highest weight, I weighed 242. That was maybe between May and June. In april I broke up with the ex boyfriend, so I lost some weight--where I fell down to was around 234-235. I met the new boyfriend :) and he helped me realize that I needed to get healthly because I wasn't feeling very well.

Right now I weigh 208 (and this is from September when I weighed 234).

So I can either say I lost 34 pounds (242 - 208) or that I lost 26 pounds (234 - 208).

I think I would rather tell people that I lost 34 pounds, but I feel like I would be lying, although I am not.




I just need to keep trying my best at this and see where it goes. I want to lose these last 8 pounds for my first goal by the new year. I think I can do it :)

No more sweets...

So, I realized after a few trial and errors that I am no longer able to eat sweets, or have tons of sugar. It makes me extremely ill where I get a headache, nausea and sink into the fetal position where I rock back and forth for a few hours.

Found this out after I made homemade cookies with my sister last night. I had about 5 (haha, wayyyyy too many, but I figured hey! its thanksgiving and I didn't have any pie today!) Horrible Idea.

Horribe Idea. Horrible, horrible, horrible idea. I felt soooo sick. Then it occured to me that this happens when I eat a lot of sweets... so BAM!

No more sweets. If I do have some it will be in moderation... but is it really worth it if it is going to make me feel extremely ill? No, its not.

I'd rather eat tons of healthy food than a cookie which is going to make me feel like I am going to die.



I am so happy now that I have figured this out, now it will be easier for me to say no to sweets, and hello to everything else. :)

No longer a human garbage can...

So I have been doing really well with my eating lately. Lately I mean monday and today. Monday I ate just what I needed, and nothing more. It worked out really well. I did all the homework that was due, hid in my room and did homework without food.

I also have done the skinny bitch workout two days in a row and I highly reccommend it. Not only is it a really good workout that gets your heart pumping-- but it is simply hilarious.

I want to loose 8 pounds by January 1 2011.

I can do this. :)

Bootcamp kicked my butt :)

That Skinny Bitch bootcamp video really kicked my ass, I recommend it to anyone who wants a good workout and wants to actually be able to feel it the next day.

I did good with my eating today-- except for that half cup of icecream and 2 cookies. But sometimes you just need it. ;)

I am determined to keep on doing well so it doesn't matter.
I want to get down to 170 or 160 as my ultimate goal. I don't NEED to be a size 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, maybe a 9 or 10 though. :) that is pretty average :)

I shouldn't eat anything else today-- but I feel like I want some soup. Hmm.. I won't... I will just keep drinking more water until it fills my tum tum. :) haha.

I feel great! except for that all my muscles hurt. Time to do that workout again tomorrow :)

Back on track...and it feels great.

Getting back on track was definitely needed since I have been slacking on being on a diet and being healthy. I am still under 210, probably 209 or something. I don't think I was 206 last week, I didn't have my glasses on when I weighed myself.

But today is a new day and I tried.

For breakfast I had an egg wrap. The wrap has 11 grams of carbs and 7 of those carbs were dietary fiber, BUT I read somewhere online when talking about whole wheat, or vegetables.. you should subtract the dietary fiber carbs, because those are complex carbs and take awhile for your stomach to digest. That way those carbs help you with energy.

So I had an egg wrap (4 carbs) and apple & cinnamon oatmeal (22) carbs. So my breakfast was 26 carbs.

For lunch I had homemade soup that I made.... I had about 1.5 cups. so that was around 26.2 carbs. and a cup of hot chocolate.... 14 carbs. :)

I am trying to stick to 90 carbs a day. Right now it is at 66.2 carbs.

I can have 23.8 more.... I wonder what I am going to eat for dinner. MAYBE CHICKEN!! Sorry, I got excited.. I like chicken.

Anyway.... I bought a workout DVD a while ago called "SKINNY BITCH BOOTCAMP"

I tried it today and it kicked my ass, but it felt great. I only did the cardio and sculpting part, since I don't want to work on abs just yet.... I don't want to build muscle under my fat... then I will just look bigger!

Poo.

I feel great today :)

I look like a teacher... :)

I look smaller from the back! This is me teaching a mixed grade high school fine arts class. :)







Yay :)


Now if I can only stick to my diet and get under 200 pounds!

:/

Stressed eating... :(

I have been stressed out because of the shit load of school work I have to do-- the past 3 days (sunday, monday and today) I feel like I have been overeating wayyy too much. I taught today at the highschool... so glad its over... I feel less stressed now...

but I overate today... wayyyyyyy too much.

Today:
granola bar (22 carbs)
4 pieces of chocolate (25 carbs)
4 carrots (3 carbs)
2 or 3 handfulls of chips (they were in a sandwich bag.. it might have been two) (probably like 45 carbs)
4 chicken wonton tacos from applebee's (probably like 60 carbs)
3/4 cup of mac-n-cheese (40 carbs maybe?)
1 piece of wheat bread (18 carbs)
1 kid size polish water ice (omg no idea, maybe like 45?)
piece of gum (2 carbs)

I don't think I consumer anything else today... if I did I don't remember... which is sad...

I'm not adding that up... but it was a lot of nonsense that I ate today. so the carbs are over 200 and something.

holy shit... this is horrible....

Weigh in...

At work I weigh 210/211. I had on jeans, socks, undershirt, bra, shirt. I feel as though clothing seriously adds a few pounds... at least 1 or 2.

I never know how much I actually weigh because I weigh myself on a few different scales. At the gym at school, the scale at work at the old people home, at my house, and my apartment at school.

I wanted to make sure that my scale at home is right, so I weighed a bag of flour that was unopened and should have weighed 5 pounds... and it did.

So to me that tells me the scale is right.... so this morning I weighed myself and it was 206. Then I put my clothing on and weighed myself... and it was around 209.

If the scale is RIGHT, and I do weigh 206 lbs... then I lost 28 pounds already-- from September.

thats really exciting. :)

And if the scale isn't right... I still must have lost 5 pounds from last week or two weeks ago... because the scale went down.

:) :)

I need to keep up the good work! and start going to the gym more!!

Needs a kick in the 'badonk' to start moving...

I do not feel motivated this week. I wish I were motivated, I think I went to the gym on monday, and I took a walk on tuesday, but after that I didn't really do anything. I have been slacking on my eating too, I guess starting tomorrow I am going to try to go hardcore with the whole "only 90 carbs" thing.

I need to stop my craving for sweets, maybe if I tell myself that carrots are actually chocolate I will eat them-- and pretend.

My family loves that I am losing weight-- except for me already losing 25 pounds is not good enough for them. It has to be more, and more, and more, etc. blah Blah BLAH.

I want to try to get down to 170 by next fall. So hopefully I can do this, it is going to take a lot of hard work, will power, exercise and pretending. Haha.

I think I might start doing workout videos in the morning before I go to classes, that might be more valuable than sleeping till 10:30 everyday... haha.

I will do "Skinny Bitch BootCamp" I am really exctied about it, so maybe it will help. I have noticed thought that the half mile walk to class does not make me HUFF and PUFF anymore...

Buying ginger snap cookies was a horrible idea...

Cookies are amazing. I love cookies, any kind of cookies. I bought ginger snap cookies at the store the other day. Horrible Idea.

I am going to hide them somewhere, or give them to my roommate to hide in her room.

I didn't go to the gym today-- I could have went but it is mighty cold. I just took a walk around our apartment complex thing with my roommate Stacie. I cut off short though, since she was going to run a few laps and I'm not ready for that yet.

I am cleaning my room and organizing, I should be exercising. Maybe I will do that after I get my room in order, break out the 'ol exercise ball and weights.

Maybe, just maybe.

Btw, I did decently good on carbs today. I am trying to stick to 120 and below.
oatmeal-- 28
ice pop--4
3 pieces of gum-- 6
soup-- 34
4 cookies-- 29.3
1/2 sandwich with turkey, cheese, mustard--- probably around 12
string cheese--- 0
water/sugar free juice stuff--- 0
handful of cheerios-- 22
half a peanut butter cookie--- i'm going to guess... 14?

okay... so that was 149.3.... so like 150.
shit. I did bad.
I didn't think I did quite that bad today.


Tomorrow I will try harder to do better.

Tattoo as a reward?

So, I think if I get down to 199 between now and January something (whenever I start my next semester) I will get a tattoo.

I want to get part of a famous painting or something... I already have a tattoo of a dove on my right shoulder blade... and I feel like meeting and reaching a goal would be a good time to get another one.

I am going to the gym later tonight I finally found my I.D. and now I will not have to pay $15 for a new one... thankgoodness.

I can't wait to go to the gym.. its the only time I really get to hang out with my friends stacie and julia.

Class soon at 6, I really hate that its already dark out and its only 5:39pm.

Poo.

Just keep swimming... just keep swimming...

I feel like "just keep swimming.." is an appropriate name for this post.
I LOVE the attention and encouragement I am getting from everyone around me with this whole weight loss thing-- it might be a huge part of the motivation that is keeping me moving.

Of course I keep myself moving, and I never want to be 234 pounds ever again-- but some days its harder to stay away from the sweets than other days.

My first goal is 200 pounds. I weighed myself today on my house scale 209. When I am at my apartment I am 210-215. At the gym 211 and at work 212. I am thinking I should just add them up, then divide by 4 and get the average ;)

It averages to 211, just as I suspected. I never know which ones to trust.... seems the work, gym, and home scales usually are the same, and the apartment scale is off. Let's hope so.

So 11 more pounds to loose until I reach 200. Trying to reach that goal before christmas (I want to show my family that I can do it--- rub it in their faces a little bit)

So this is my plan:
since I lost my school I.D. I need to buy a new one-- so then I will go to the gym 3 to 4 times a week (since I actually had to spend money for a new I.D. if thats the case),

and when I am hungry I am going to drink a glass of water or two, then wait 15 minutes to see if I am still hungry.

(Thirst disguises itself as hunger, that dirty hoe.)

Determined...

By the way... this is my cat :)





I've been trying to be good on my diet, and I have been. However, recently I have discovered that I lack the willpower I once thought I had. I need to regain that willpower and not regain any weight. :)

Right now I am at home (not at college, but my actual house) where my cat is sitting above my head, purring at me, nudging his warm jelly bean toes of death against my neck. I love this feeling of being adored. Haha.

I have a really awesome and supportive boyfriend too, that really helps. He is incredible and made me dinner the other night, I got home from class to my apartment and he had made honey mustard chicken with broccoli and homemade vegetable soup. :) It was quite delicious.

I am thankful to have support while I am going through this (and through this I mean my journey of losing weight) Its helping me keep on track-- and I now see that eating the way I used to is unhealthy-- and I do NOT want to gain the 23 pounds that I lost back... I want to loose 23 more pounds :)

I set a goal for myself, I want to get down to 200 or 199! by January 1st. So that is 11 pounds in almost two months-- I think I can definitely do that.

I may have lost my I.D (student I.D.) to go to the gym at school-- so that means money down the drain to buy a new one-- but I guess it is worth it if I can exercise. I did go to the gym twice this week though-- and walked to class 4 out of 5 days.

I can do this. :)

Banana Nut Cheerios-- and Guilt.

I am the one in the yellow :)
I love when I hear people telling me that I look so good now, and I am doing well.
My team member for teaching said "hey, i saw you in the hallway, didn't recognize you if you didn't have your backpack on.."
and another girl from my class said "i thought you looked different..."
My dad notices, people at work notice, my boyfriend notices...

I notice it too, most days. But I still see my stomach, my arm fat that dangles (haha, forest gump-- jenny taught me how to swing, i taught her how to dangle...) and my B cup sized back boobies....

One day though, that will all be gone :)

11 more pounds to lose until I reach 200!


SO, I weight 211 now... (which is a 23 pound weight loss since beginning of September)

I was feeling fantastic (actually going to the gym soon in about 30 minutes with one of my best friends!)

Then.... I picked up my half full container of Banana Nut Cheerios. Lets just say, that container is empty, and I probably consumed a good... 80 carbs or so. dammit.

Lets see, this morning breakfast 11 carbs, lunch 16, lollipop (shit i shouldn't have done that!) 10, 2 icepops 8 carbs..... so thats 45 carbs.

plus...the 80 or so I just consumed in Banana Nut Cheerios.

There goes my day... Hope i didn't want to eat dinner... lol.

Dark chocolate...

So, Since last wednesday I have been on my new "not so invented" low carb diet. I am trying to only eat 100 calories a day... it is turning out to be between 100 and 150 I think.

I need to make it so it is only 100. But I am sticking to snacks that are 15 carbs or less.

I recently bought a dark chocolate hershey's candy bar over the weekend (I think it was sunday night) and I finally finished it. I'm glad I just devoured that because now it will not be here tempting me.

I can do it. I am not putting many fruits in there, but I did add celery, broccoli, and carrots. :)
I am making hoof prints to put on the ceiling....



spider pig spider pig, does whatever a spider pig does.

oh hey, i weigh 213.
I lost 21 pounds.
13 more to go till I am 200! I CAN DO THIS!!!

The no carb diet broke me and won the battle, but not the war.

So, I have ALMOST completed my 2 weeks of the NO CARB diet. I lost about 10 pounds on it. I did cheat on the diet (licked a cookie, took a sip of a drink, and probably cheated with chicken wings). I have not lost anything in the second week of it, probably because I have been in starvation mode.

I have not really been eating (I usually TRY to eat 3 meals a day) but since I do not have time to cook, it would be lunch meat and cheese, or some eggs. It was not very healthy and I felt like I was going to pass out everyday, I began to become more and more tired, my body was aching, I felt sick, had massive headaches, my heart would race. It just was not good.

Since I did cheat on that diet, I would have had to start it all over again. On that diet it is do or die. You stick with it, if you cheat, you ruin it. I have already ruined it, and quite frankly it is not worth it to me to lose more weight on this particular diet if I am going to feel like shit everyday.

The no carb diet won the battle (my will power slightly caved) but it did not win the war. I plan on doing everything in my power to keep being healthy. I am going to watch what I eat, and the carbs and calories I intake. I am going to start going to the gym (once I get enough energy from going off this stupid diet).

I want to be healthy and lose weight, in fact I have to if I don't want to get diabetes. But this no carb diet was definitely not worth all the side effects. It was for instant results, I see the results and I like how this is going-- I feel as though I am not going to ruin it by eating icecream and brownies everyday.

I am going to eat low carbs, or complex carbs like fruits and veggies. I missed fruits and veggies. I am going to be healthy while dieting, not stupid. That diet may work for some people, but I am not looking for instant results that will fade, I am looking for results I can see after working hard on it. I like that I've lost 20 pounds so far. I have 15 more to go to get down to 200, but if I don't get there by the end of November thats fine. These things take time. I know I will get there.

From this diet I did find out that I do have stronger willpower than I thought I had. I can resist food I shouldn't eat, although now I may reward myself with it once in a while.

I can do this, and I will do this... but I am going to do it the healthy way. :)

So not happy...

I cheated on my fucking diet, and now I have to add on 4 more days to this stupid no carb diet. I was supposed to be done with it the 20th, but now it will be the 24. MIGHT AS WELL make it the 27.

This fucking blows. All is want is some cereal, and a fucking brownie.

Bambi Burgers... yum yum.

So, I am on that NO carb diet now, and it really isn't that bad. I am trying to not even think about sweets or food I used to eat. Sometimes it is hard if I am somewhere where there are desserts and someone is eating a dessert, or if I am at my boyfriend's house talking to his mom for two hours while she makes delicious looking cookies that I can't have. :p lol.

But so far as of yesterday I lost 18 pounds. I weighed myself on two scales, my house and my grandmothers house, and they both said I was 216. So in July I started off at 234, now I am 216. That is 18 pounds. I am really proud of myself but also I can't wait to lose more.

Maybe that is what keeps my will power in check, that I still want to lose more and look cute. I am cute now, dont get me wrong, and my boyfriend loves the way I look (or so he says, but I believe him :) ) but I just want to lose more so I can finally fit into jeans I bought a few months ago, or jeans my mom has bought me that are a size 14 or 16.

Blahhhh. I can do this!

YAY! My Pants

My pants are loose! :)
How exciting!
I am on a "new" diet now for 2 weeks.
No carbs at all, only meat and cheese (and eggs).

I hope it goes well!

Back on the diet...

So I have been cheating a lot lately, and feeling really "plump".

I think what made me feel bad the most this weekend was the fact that I was at work (at the elderly home) and my co-worker (who is usually super cool) was there with me serving food. I looked at the rolls and said "there are so many rolls!" and my co-worker GRABBED one of my fat rolls and said "yes there are."



On the outside I laughed (like usual) but on the inside, I was like WHAT THE FUCK DUDE?!!??!?!?

THEN.... I was leaving my work, passed a resident and she said "Bye Paula!" Which would have been fine, but I am not Paula (who mind you must be at least 300lbs). I felt like crying. Do I really look like that?

I know that this is a rant, and I am sorry, I just need to get it off my chest.

I can feel the 10 pounds off of me, in my face, neck and shoulders. I can ACTUALLY see my collarbones sometimes... lol.

but I feel like I have been cheating a lot (since I have been) and I don't want to continue doing that because then all my hard work would be for a waste.

I want to get down to 200 lbs. I am 221 (well the last time I weighed myself... which was this past week)

I need to get down to 200 lbs. I do not want to get diabetes, I don't think I could deal well with that....

Urgh. I need some major motivation and help. I wish it was simple, but I am really getting sick of eating wraps... I have to force them down. Eating isn't even enjoyable anymore because I am constantly checking calories or carbs.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I know I can. I know I can. I know I can.

Its raining....

I really want to weigh myself, I'm getting anxious but I said I would wait till the day before thanksgiving.... so I guess I will wait.

Right now I am eating breakfast:
tortilla= ???calories and 11gcarbs (I forgot to check the calories..)
chicken breast= 110calories 0gcarbs
light italian dressing= 35calories 4gcarbs
lettuce= 5calories 1gcarbs

Tricking my stomach-- one piece of gum at a time...

Well, I really enjoy this "clear splash" water that tastes like raspberries or whatever the hell it is.... its pretty yummy.

I just ate breakfast
tortilla= 170 cals 27carbs,
3 pieces of turkey 40cals,
lettuce= 15cals 3carbs

Lunch:
tortilla= 170c 27gcarbs
turkey= 40c .5gcarbs
fat free ranch dressing= 45c 10gcarbs
banana peppers= 0c 0gcarbs
lettuce= 5c 1gcarbs

Dinner:
piece of salmon= 100c 0gcarbs
pickle= 0c 0gcarbs

snack during the day that i was definitely not supposed to have:
tiny piece of pumpkin pie= 229c 29.8gcarbs

I also had a kiwi... 46c 11.2gcarbs.

damn... altogether that is 850calories and 108 carbs. shit shit shit. fuck. shit.

that is estimated for the pumpkin pie on www.calorieking.com




I am chewing gum an awful lot, because I am hungry quite often. It seems to be working to trick my stomach into thinking that maybe a piece of food will drop down into it. Pretty neato.

Ceramics class today, REALLY don't want to go. Not INSPIRED at all. It should be an interesting day.

I really wish I had some candy corn right now... :)

Btw, ceramics was pretty interesting, I got a lot of stuff done today.
I also went to the grocery store and i was really really REALLY really DEBATING on whether or not to buy candy corn, but I didn't... I was pretty proud of myself.

It smells like Halloween in here....

Breakfast:
lettuce= 15 cals 3gcarbs
chicken breast= 110 0carbs
dressing= 30cals 5gcarbs

Lunch:
buffalo blue chicken wrap from wawa = 330 cals 38g carbs

Then I had a chocolate covered cherry, a tootsie roll, I was snacking on bits of chicken randomly, I had a cup of coffee with 2 tbsp of ovaltine, cup of tea with honey, chip with salsa.

Then I went to my boyfriends house were I had a turkey wrap. Coconut. and a cupcake.


Bad bad kelly.
So I think I have diabetes....

Pumpkin Pie and Icecream

This is a picture from this summer at the beach, with my wonderful charming handsome boyfriend and I.

My boyfriend and I are on similar diets, however he started his before mine, so we are at different points. He has been sick a lot lately too-- so he has been "cheating" more than I have.
I know he reads this (hi eric!! <3)

I find myself cheating on my diet more when I am around him. Which isn't always a bad thing, because sometimes it is okay for me to give into my cravings with food. I think I just have to get some more will power because my grip on this diet is starting to slip I think.

And I really want to get down to at least 200 pounds by November. (so, 20 pounds I would have to lose)

Blah, I just did really poorly yesterday and today on my diet. Tomorrow I am going to a family party and I am going to want to eat there too. Fuck fuck fuck. :(

Stink Bugs and Bubble Gum

Well, I did not eat breakfast today due to the fact that I woke up WAYY too late to eat. I've been chewing a good amount of gum, I think in my mouth right now is 3 pieces. (I just like a big bulky gum chew...)

There are stink bugs attacking my window.

The food I have piled into my mouth today (so far...) would be...
Lunch (1:45pm)
Tortilla= 170cals 27gcarbs
Turkey= (5) 60cals 3gcarbs
Lettuce= (2) 6 cals 1gcarb
F.F. ranch dressing= 45cals 10gcarbs

I think gum is 1g of carb a piece... so maybe I've had 5g in carbs in gum. Hmmm...

Okies that is it for now!

The start of the Food Diary.... DUN DUN DUN....

So, I am determined to loose 10 more pounds by the end of October, but this is going to require NOT cheating on my diet. SO I have decided to keep a "food journal" to keep tract of what I eat during the day.


Today was pretty good. In all 658.2 calories and 99.1 carbs.

Breakfast:
Tortilla= 170 cals and 27g carbs
(2) Lettuce= 6 cals and 1g carbs
(4) Thin sliced turkey= 40cals and .5g carbs
(2 tbsp) Fat free ranch dressing= 45 cals and 10g carbs

Lunch:
Tortilla= 170 cals and 27g carbs
(2) Lettuce= 6 cals and 1g carbs
(2 tbsp) Fat free ranch dressing= 45 cals and 10g carbs
(4oz) Chicken Breast= 110 cals and 0carbs

Dinner:
(6) Lettuce= 15 calories and 3g carbs
(4 tbsp) Fat free ranch dressing= 90 cals and 20g carbs
(2) Peanutbutter crackers= 63.2 cals and 7.6 carbs

BLAH.
I cheated with the peanutbutter crackers... :(

fail. fail. fail. fail.
but I will do better tomorrow!!!! :)

Horoscope sign: Libra... the scale.. maybe its a sign ;)

My boyfriend stayed over my apartment last night, this morning I noticed him stepping on the scale. So being the sly little devil I am, I asked him to weigh me but not tell me how much I weigh. Then I was like... is it at least under 225? "yes" is it under 220? "no" So, I averaged together the numbers and it was like 222, or 221. So I asked and he said "221" Hopefully he wasn't fibbing to me, although I don't think he would fib to me :)

Okay, so... if I weigh 221 as of Sept. 22, 2010. I want to get down to 200 by December 22, 2010. and 180 by March 22, 2011. :)

I know I can do this, it is just going to take an awful lot of will power to do it!
I don't want to be the "fat" teacher. :(

I can do this, I can do this, I can do this... oh fuck... I'm hungry :/

....

Here is a picture of me, back in August 2010. I am putting this up there, to take a picture in the same pose in November after I weigh myself :)


Okies :)
I think I look pretty cute :) :) :)

No snackingg...

So yesterday with worrying that I was only eating 575 calories, I ate more (but towards the end of the night when it was late)

I had a half cup of raspberries with whipped cream on top. I was satisfied, I should have stopped eating. BUT NO, I had to go and finish off the rest of the box of frosted mini wheats (which was like... 8 of them)

My will power is strong during the day, but when it hits night time and I get "bored" that is when I start to snack, I need to stop doing that.

I really want to weigh myself, how many more days until the day before thanksgiving? The countdown begins. .....

Also, I should go to the gym. Fo sho.

Why so strict? Ha....

So since I can only eat 3 times a day, and no carbs (besides the tortilla wraps I am using to make two wraps a day) I am going to document what I eat, and the calories/carbs that are in them.

Breakfast 11am:
tortilla= 120cals 23g carbs
(1) Lettuce= 2.5cals .5g carbs
Banana Peppers= 0cals <1gcarbs
(4) thin sliced turkey= 40cals .5gcarbs
(2 tbsp) fat free ranch dressing= 45cals 10gcarbs

total calories = 207.5 total carbs= 34.5g

if my other meal is going to be the same as my first one... hmmmm.....

Then I just have to figure out how many calories is in a salad with fat free ranch dressing, and a cooked chicken breast.

--UPdate
SO i figured out... like I said that I am only going to be eating 3 meals a day, and pretty strict ones.

If my first meal is 207.5 calories and 34.5g carbs.
My second meal which would be a salad (around 6 leaves of lettuce 15 calories, and 3 grams of carbs) I would have two table spoons of fat free ranch dressing (45 cals and 10 carbs) and a breast of chicken that I have made on the stove with non stick no fat cooking spray (I checked on calorie king, the average chicken breast if 4oz would be 110 calories.)

so, the calories for my second meal would be around 160. and the carbs would be around 13g.

then my dinner meal....which is the same as my breakfast. sooo... 207.5cals and 34.5 carbs.

that would mean in a day I am only eating... 575 calories and 82 carbs.

That is GOT to be unhealthy...

:( no wonder I am loosing so much weight so quickly I am starving myself...

Hunger...

I need some carbs. Seriously.
I pinky promised my boyfriend I would not weigh myself until the day before thanksgiving. I am going to try my hardest.

Urgh.

I am just so hungry... I guess I will drink some nasty ass Kutztown water... gross!!

Sunday... there was brunch.

My name is Kelly, and I love food.
I love fruit, kiwi, bananas, apples, strawberries, raspberries...
I love vegetables, broccoli, peppers, tomatoes, carrots, celery, corn, green beans, peas, lima beens...

I absolutely love cereal. Any kind of cereal. Oh and bread ( i love toast!) Pizza is really good, so so yummy. French fries, mac'n'cheese, spaghetti with cheese melted into it with the sauce!, mcdonald's hamburgers, ICECREAM.

I love icecream, cookies, cakes, some pies, jello, popsicles, pudding, you name it.

Too bad I am on a diet and I cannot have any of the things mentioned above.

This is called fattie gets thin, welcome to my life.