Back down to 197

I recently got out of my 'funk' and started going to the gym--- on the elyptical machine burning off 600 calories an hour.

I think I may have gotten up to 202 or 203 lbs last week or the week before--- and it really through me off mentally and emotionally-- because I felt like a failure.

Now that I am seeing that going to the gym actually does show results and so does eating properly I am going to go more often... Infact today is saturday and I have not gone to the gym since wednesday and I am craving it.

I also researched that I can burn off carbs (since they are calories anyway) but anyhoo-- every 4 calories is a carb. So if I go over my carbs (from only trying to consume 20 carbs a day) lets say I eat 40 - 60, I go to the gym and burn off those calories that would make those carbs...

I don't know how well that will work but that is what I am trying to do.

Going to the gym now is like a release for me. I can release stress--- so instead of eating-- I go to the gym. I talked this over with my health and wellness coach from work--- she also said that I should be going to the gym to release stress instead of eating and I finally listened to her... and so far it is working.

The only thing that is a bummer about my gym schedule that I want to follow is that :
1. I can only park at the gym (on campus) after 4:30pm or else I will get a ticket...

2. If I walk to the gym I have to walk more than a half mile there, and back, but by the time I get there... alll of the machine I like to use are taken and I end up walking the track... which makes me feel like not going in the first place...

3. Wednesdays I do not go to the gym because I have to leave right away from classes to my actual house because I teach at a school by there for my early field class every thursday.
- my sister recently bought an elyptical machine-- I guess I could use that.

4. Thursday I come back to campus--- but then I go out for a drink with my friends... but I should really be going to the gymm...

5. Friday I just have classes and I would have to walk to the gym-- but by that time I just want to drive home for the weekend.

I guess I just have to figure out my proirities.



Well it was fun bloggin'!

Feeling like a failure...

I feel like a failure. I did lose 40 pounds... but now I am back to 200... so now its only 37 pounds lost.

I can't seem to control what I eat like I used to-- I am being too liberal and letting myself eat nonsense.

I am too depressed to go to the gym-- or to function normally.... or to do homework...

I just want to crawl into a hole and die...

Scale is the devil...

So... I weigh myself... and weigh myself... and usually it comes back the same number.
But I have done bad on my "diet" since this past thursday. (Eric came over-- we ate a ton of shrimp--- and had icecream [i'm sure there was more bad things I had consumed], friday I had icecream again!... , saturday I had icecream--- and chocolate--and cookies--and pie! (crap! :( ...) and... today I did fairly well... with the exception of a tablespoon of icecream and a small piece of cheesecake.

I don't know why Eric can throw me off my diet so severely. Wait I do know... because he says "let's go get icecream!... we can go off our diets today... start back tomorrow..." then the next day... "Lets go get icecream!"

I think it may be because we both stress eachother out pretty hard core. I think if we didn't have this stress and we weren't both depressed we probably wouldn't cheat on our diets when we are together-- I have a feeling that is why it happens--- because food makes us feel good and if tensions are high between us--- food usually calms us down.

I just got done reading 2 chapters for my homework--- I left my V8 juice downstairs... if one of my roommates touch it I might have to break their fingers...

Btw... At work I weighed 201. At school I weighed 205 (it was late late late in the day) but yesterday I weighed... 198 or something. So IDK.


But I need to try harder. I am doing Jillian Michaels workout tomorrow at 6:00am. I need to, I have to start my week out right...

197 :)

It keeps on coming off slowly but surely.
I definitely want to get to the weight 188-189 by the end of february.
I think I can do it if I go to the gym everyday and continue eating all the right things.

:)

So... then maybe... 177 by the end of march.... and 168 by the end of april.... and hopefully 160 by the end of may!

I think at the rate I am going loosing a 1lb or 2lbs a week I can definitely do this.

Okay... if I lose 2 lbs a week... I have 12 weeks til the end of April...
If its 2 lbs a week... I can get down to 173. (I guess the goal would be 170) by the end of april.

so 12 weeks... and 86 days....

Let the weight loss begin!